AUTUMN 2018 REFLECTION

At the beginning of the quarter, I felt as though I’d cast aside the doubt that I had about the medical field. For the past few years I’ve gone back and forth between being passionate and excited about medicine and wondering if it’s truly my path. In September, though, after months of telling people I was going to UW and wanted to pursue medicine, I had almost convinced myself that it was truly set in stone. However, as the quarter progressed, my classes became harder and I began to feel that doubt creeping back: I debate daily whether I’m struggling because I’m in “weed-out” classes, because it’s a new environment I still need to get used to, or—the most unsettling notion—if I am not passionate or capable enough of this path I have put myself on. I try to keep my head high, telling myself it’s more likely the two formers than the latter, but part of me still wonders how long I can afford to continue trying this field that may not be fruitful. But then I remember the common theme in the advice I’ve received from countless people: success is not a straight line. If it takes me longer to graduate because I’m busy testing the waters, so be it. I want to explore my interests and find my passion. 
I’ve always found school relatively easy: math came easily, I could memorize things quickly, I could come up with great analysis and write well, etc. But this quarter, I found the first time in my life that I’ve really struggled with math, took a while to understand chemistry, and had trouble getting back into the groove of writing. As someone with a history of high performance and even higher standards, I began panicking—I have never been lower than the top of my class, so finding out that I received a math score 1 point below the median crushed me. But what I found about myself is that I can put in the effort necessary to see the changes I want. I knew I had a strong work ethic, but I never really needed it to perform: I was simply good at school. Not necessarily smarter than others or harder working, but more that I knew the tricks, the routines for success. I was nervous entering a new environment where I couldn’t piggyback off my previous accomplishments, but I’ve shown myself that I can adapt and that maybe I sell my intelligence or work ethic short sometimes. 
One thing I didn’t anticipate was how easy it would be to make friends. The Honors LLC has brought me closer to so many cool, fun people who I am so glad to have in my circle. We play games, do homework together, go out, and enjoy our time, creating a perfect (and much-needed) escape from school. Living here is much different than anything I’ve ever experienced: the ability to walk a minute down the hall to visit my friends is a constant distraction that teaches me discipline, in a way. I must learn to balance my time, enjoy my friends but also get my work done, and the dorm life has provided me with the perfect opportunity to gain expertise in time management. 
In addition to managing my free time, I also need to manage my schedule. Study abroad is an experience I have wanted to participate in for as long as I can remember, and I need to search for the ideal one for me. I have heard of a lot of opportunities from professors and the experiential learning assignment, and I would love to improve my skills in a language while learning more about culture and whatever area of interest I’m pursuing. 
Study abroad is only one of the things I want to achieve by the end of my time in UW: by June 2000-twenty-something I hope I’ve found the thing that makes me happy. I want to find a path that I will enjoy pursuing, imagine a career where I will arrive content and excited every day, ready to take on my job and the world. I watched a video of AC/DC performing live the other day and the camera followed the guitarist nearly the entire time: he runs around, bangs his head, dances, jumps, so passionate and engaged that he needs to be pumped with pure oxygen in between songs. I thought to myself, “One day I hope I’m doing something I love as much as this man loves his music.” I'm excited for my journey in the Honors program, as I know the staff and students are passionate, fun, engaged people who will help me grow and learn.